Healthy Relationships

I spoke about this on The Jenny Gallagher Show: Your Wellness Coach last week and wanted to share some thoughts with you here as well.

The first thing I want to say about relationships is the most important one starts with you. If you do not have a good connection with yourself and cannot satisfy your own needs then how can you expect someone else to? Many times when we are having troubles in our relationships it is because we project our 'baggage' onto someone else. No one else can meet your expectations. Only you can.

Relationships do provide satisfaction and happiness and this can improve your physical and mental health. But the opposite can occur as well. We really do need each other to survive. At the most basic level we need another human in order to create off-spring. We also need each other to create food, shelter and to raise our children. If the unit (family, community, etc) is successful then the individuals will thrive.

So why do people struggle with relationships? As I mentioned earlier it is easy to project our fears and shortcomings on others. Instead take time to diagnosis your feelings and fix them yourself. Here are some examples:

-If you feel put down you are suffering from a lack of self worth. Can you begin to gain confidence in yourself so you do not need to feel put down? It's just a feeling and feelings come about from thoughts. So instead think differently. You don't need to confront the other person. Change the way you feel about yourself so you don't feel put down. Another thing you can consider is if there may be a change you do want to make. Maybe the other person has a good point and then you should be thanking them for bringing this to your attention. Or if a person continually puts you down it may be time to change how you interact with that person. You can create loving boundaries. There is never any value in taking verbal abuse from someone. Change how you interact with them but in a loving way.

-Do you feel manipulated? You could value freedom and feel it is being threatened. Again consider the feeling, see if there is merit and if you want make personal changes. If there isn't merit and this person continually treats you this way then its time to set the loving boundaries. Never be confrontational. It solves nothing and reduces you to their level. When you stay in integrity you can help others to get over their fears and hang-ups. Together you can learn and grow.

-Do you feel ignored, alone or left out? If so you are lacking in feeling loved or having a sense of importance. What can you do to change this? Can you start to love and lover yourself more? Can you begin to consider new interests and find ways to meet new people?

-Do you feel cheated? If so you may strongly value a sense of justice and you can begin to create balance by changing your thoughts and actions.

-Do you feel defensive? Your need for safety has been threatened. Is it valid or is your ego getting in the way. Usually all we have to do is recognize the root cause and amazing changes can occur. Sometimes when I realize it is my ego I sigh and roll my eyes (at myself). The ego can be our worst enemy; not the other person. That's why my first statement was about having a healthy relationship with ourself.

-Do you fell cynical? You are lacking in trust. Ask yourself why. Many times this can simply be a bad habit. Stop watching the news and attaching to the negativity that is all around us.

I hope that helps. All the best and live well.