How to set loving boundaries

Setting boundaries is one way you can help to improve a relationship. Many times our relationships suffer because either we; or the other person is stuck in a pattern that is not supporting a healthy relationship. Constant complaining is an example of a situation that may require a loving boundary. Here are some tips:

1) Redirect conversation: If you, or someone you know is starting to sound like a broken record consider how you can come up with something new to talk about. For example, if a person (or you) always talks about how bad your day is going, or how bad you feel then instead focus on something positive. Notice something that looks or feels right. It can improve your mood and help another person to focus on the positive. Another example would be if you seem to end up in conversations that focus on gossiping. What else can you talk about instead. Engage in conversation that is interesting and up-beat and do not allow the conversation to slip back into negative territory.

2) Be aware of how you spend your time: If you have a plan at the beginning of the day on how you want to spend your time and stick to it you will not fall victim to frustration later when situations occur that you were not expecting. Do yo know someone that expects you to drop everything to listen to them? If so kindly tell them you cannot talk now and schedule some time for them later on. This will help you to feel in control and you may be better equipped to listen later.

3) Provide effective feedback: The first step to effective feedback is to ask for permission. Sometimes a person is not ready to listen. When they are ready, you give them a specific example of a behavior and the specific way it makes you feel. "When you say (or do)_______ it makes me feel _______". Opening channels of communication can help lead you both in a new direction. If either party gets emotional then stop and apologize. Try again later or you may want to find a mediator.

4) Follow your heart: It's okay to say no thank you. You do not always need to follow someone else's agenda.

5) Only allot a certain amount of time for those difficult but necessary relationships. People are not entitled to use you as a door mat but be kind and helpful whenever possible.

6) Get professional help or find a support group if your techniques are not working. Don't just give up. Keeping your relationships healthy will pay off. You can move yourself and your loved one to a better place and these are the most rewarding relationships; the ones we can grow with.